Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
