I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
