I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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