And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
