my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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