Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
