And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
