i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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