dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
