I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
