Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
