2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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