I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
