Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
not ubering you a puppy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
