Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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