His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
