im drinking this country out of the recession.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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