I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
