you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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