just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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