Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
