I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I die, sorry about rent.
my liver is dry heaving
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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