I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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