Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
