we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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