Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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