take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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