Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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