Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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