isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
