You're completely useless in the revolution.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Pants are for mortals
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
