It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
