unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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