Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize