I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
