I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
