trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
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I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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