I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
