hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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