WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
