Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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