Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
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She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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