yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
