it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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