dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
