At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think a kid would responsible me up
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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