I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize