bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
