I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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