does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
