You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
