I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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