all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize