I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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