he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
