Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
