I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize