Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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