I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
