As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
